hope

The Baby Shower

by jacqui on April 1, 2011

I was so touched by the following letter I received from a new found friend struggling with infertility.  I felt compelled to share this very hopeful and thoughtful message.  Donna, thank you for allowing me to share with so many in your situation.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me”  – Psalm 23: 4
If you don’t know how baby showers and the valley of death go together you have not been dealing with infertility for very long.  When I first heard the diagnosis of infertility it was quickly followed by an optimistic treatment plan by a well-regarded physician and so I thought this would be taken care of with the same medical precision and success as my other medical conditions had been.  Now almost 4 years later I realize that this is a journey and I need to set my perspective and thinking a bit differently that I had originally anticipated.  Therein lies the walk through the valley of death.  I have known no greater sadness, no greater depth of despair than I have experiencing this inability to conceive and carry a child, to create a family through my body from the love of my husband and God.  Despite overcoming inflammatory disease, transplantation and divorce, nothing until this walk through this valley caused me to fear the death of my dreams, my joy, and myself.  This has been by far the roughest terrain.
Reading, truly reading, this passage from the 23rd Psalm (the one everyone knows and often recites without thinking), made me realize a few things that have brightened my outlook, and I hope they brighten yours if you are behind me a few steps on the path:

• 1.This is a “walk through” not a “stuck in” the valley.  There was a peak before and there will assuredly be a peak after. Something great lies on the other side if we keep walking.
• 2.It is only the “shadow of death”, not real death.  Only a pale imitation.  Wiping the tears from my eyes I can see that I have much in my life for which to be thankful – my wonderful husband, my health otherwise ( just hiked 4 miles in beautiful Scottsdale, Arizona), great friends, loving family. No death here.
• 3.Furthermore, for there to be a shadow at all, there must be a light source.  I remembered that from physics class.  That brings me to the “Thou art with me” part.  God is with me.  If you are not religious believe that there is something bigger than you and I, a universal source of power, goodness, and light who bends to comfort us.

So actually, when you think about it, we are just taking a walk with a friend. That’s not something to be sad about.  And it is with that revelation that I was able to greet the news that one of my friends had gotten happily pregnant by accident and was having a baby shower, with excitement and generosity rather than resentment, anger, or disappointment.  Not only that, I helped host the shower and had a fabulous weekend laughing with the other women hosting (big slumber party), oohing over baby gifts, and enjoying the brief escape from January temperatures in the northeast.
And so I walk with my friend, fearing no evil, and finding little things to enjoy along the way. If it seems extra hard some times that must mean I am almost to the top. Who knows what is around the bend.

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Conceivable Options™ – When The Pathway to Parenthood is Not Linear

by Mindy on November 10, 2010

As children and young adults many of us were raised to grow up and become not just well established adults, but moms and dads. It is often a natural progression to graduate school, focus on career, marry and raise a family. Kids are the ultimate goal and accomplishment.

Today however, given the rise in infertility one in five couples today, or 7.3 million Americans struggle with infertility — the biological inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to full term. Many factors can contribute to this staggering and continually growing statistic. Most common are delayed child bearing, advanced maternal age, medical conditions, sexually transmitted diseases, obesity and environmental factors. As women continue to work and delay having children, their needs with regard to infertility treatment has also continued to grow.

The infertility diagnosis can be devastating and demoralizing. Unable to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term, women often feel inadequate, alone and depressed. Infertility treatment is costly and invasive. Success rates are not guaranteed and insurance benefits are often limited. The emotional, physical and financial stressors associated with the infertility process are often challenging and overwhelming.

Age matters in many aspects of life and definitely in the creation of life. Women are most fertile between the ages of 20 to 28 with their fertility decreasing in half by the time they reach 35 years of age. By age 45, only a 1% chance remains each month of conceiving naturally. This is a startling fact considering the average age a woman has her first child has risen to a record high of 25.1 years with 20% of women waiting until they are 35 years old to begin their family.

An increasing number of women choose to delay childbearing due to further schooling, career choice, or are waiting to find their perfect partner. Many individuals are choosing to be single parents. While those choices are understandable and personal, as women naturally age so do their ovaries; affecting their fertility. Oocyte cryopreservation, commonly known as egg banking, generally provides women up to the age of 38 a chance to stop their biological clock and effectively plan and preserve their fertility for the future.

Other treatment options to help overcome infertility include egg donation and surrogacy. Egg donation involves retrieving eggs from a donor between the ages of 21 and 32. Since success rates are linked to the age of the egg, using an egg donor can greatly impact the success rates for pregnancy after in-vitro fertilization treatments. It is most common to use an egg donor in an anonymous arrangement. Legal contracts are necessary to outline the roles of all parties and to have the egg donor relinquish all rights to offspring produced from the treatment cycle.

Surrogacy is another widely available option to help overcome infertility. Over the past decade surrogacy has become more acceptable as the laws in certain states have enabled couples and individuals to establish parentage at birth or shortly thereafter. The most prevalent form of surrogacy today is gestational surrogacy where the surrogate candidate is not biologically related to the offspring.

The pathway to parenthood is not always linear. But understanding the treatment options available will help you to determine your emotional tolerances and physical endurance for exploring treatment and reaching the American dream of becoming a mom and dad.

About Mindy Berkson and Lotus Blossom Consulting

As one of the first infertility consultancies in the United States, Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC was founded by Mindy Berkson in 2005. With more than a decade of experience at physician’s offices, and egg donor and surrogacy agencies, Berkson assists individuals working through the often-challenging roadblocks of infertility, by providing the best information and resources available to them from around the world – all in one location.

Lotus Blossom Consulting works with individuals on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration clients’ emotional, physical and financial infertility issues and then develops an individualized, comprehensive plan, to help clients make informed decisions. Mindy is a sought-after infertility expert and has appeared on countless media programs and speaker panels educating audiences on the topic of infertility, egg banking and surrogacy. For more information about Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, call toll free (877) 881-2685, email mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or visit the web at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com or www.infertilityconsultant.com.

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Jude Andrew Adams Fund

by Mindy on June 11, 2009

I am proud to announce that Lotus Blossom Consulting has officially established the Jude Andrew Adams Charitable Fund to bring new life to families who are struggling to conceive.  motivation and intention in creating this grant is to offer a free fertility treatment for those who could not otherwise afford it.  To learn more about this fund and how it came to fruition, please click here.

Applications for a free treatment cycle are now being accepted.  The board of directors will select from applicants who meet the following criteria:

  • Have a history of infertility, and provide a physician documented medical indication for exploring IVF treatment along with the application
  • Demonstrate a financial need; defined as a gross combined annual income less than $80,000. A copy of the last two years’ IRS tax returns and two of the most recent pay stubs is required.
  • No insurance coverage for infertility treatments.
  • Do not currently have any children.
  • Be under age 40.
  • Be current legal citizens of the United States and living in the United States at the time of the award and subsequent treatment.

 

Thank you all for your help and support for this great cause. 

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Patient Advocacy

by Mindy on March 6, 2009

As an Infertility Consultant, I am horrified and embarrassed that octuplets were allowed to be created, and the industry has been burdened by the wrath of their birth these past few weeks. The news stories have been less than flattering, and rightfully so. But it is unfair that one story gone awry should cloud what the industry as a whole has to offer. Infertility treatments have helped so many to achieve their dreams of parenthood. These success stories cannot be mitigated.

Now more than ever it is vital to focus on education. Empowering the patients with information about the risks and potential outcomes associated with given procedure, and helping patients to determine an appropriate level of risk given their particular situation and individual risk adversity.

I understand completely, the exhaustive process that infertility involves. It affects every emotion, both in one’s personal and professional life, it greatly impacts one’s financial resources, and physically, continued treatments take a toll on one’s body.
And if this is not enough there are still many factors that need to play into the decision to undergo in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments. These are the moral and ethical debates. What to do with embryos that have been frozen for future embryo transfer attempts once your family is complete? Should we be able to create more embryos then we intend to transfer so that we can use these embryos for future genetic siblings?

I started my company, Lotus Blossom Consulting after having walked in the shoes of these women who are tortured by these very difficult decisions and face the same crap shoot each time they undergo an IVF treatment. There are no guarantees. The stakes are high financially and emotionally, as well as the desire to pursue each attempt is inflated by the basic and often innate desire to procreate. So how does one strike the appropriate balance when attempting to achieve their end family building goals?

There is no one solution. Each individual is required to make choices that are often very risky. Choices, however, need to fall within the parameters and suggested guidelines that are set in place and congruent with industry standard. These guidelines although suggested, do act in the patients’ best interest. In the recent case of the octuplets certainly, this intended mother should have considered, or been required to undergo four separate frozen embryo transfers limited to only two embryos each. These multiple transfers would have limited the exponential potential risk factors associated with multiple births. The intended mother would have had the same opportunity of achieving her goal of a large family, but the pathway to parenthood would have afforded her a chance at a similar outcome with much less risk to herself and the all of the offspring.

We need to learn from this graphic mishap and move forward with measures to appropriately balance hope with caution. These efforts emanate from education and awareness. Education is empowering. Education needs to include:

• Having a clear understanding of your treatment options and the success rate of each given opportunity at a particular embryology laboratory
• Assuming appropriate risk factors emotionally, physically and financially for each individual situation
• Formulating a clear cut treatment plan, treatment philosophy with specific boundaries to guide you
• Using the above established guidelines to know when to change the course of treatment
• Understanding informed medical consents, risks and benefits before signing and undergoing any treatment

These are the necessary elements that allow you to be your own best advocate through the process.

Being your own best advocate requires effort and commitment. Keep copious notes of your consultations, ask for medical records and test results. In the event that you decide to obtain a second opinion, the information does not need to be re-gathered. Learn about your condition, your options for treatment, and the success rates for couples in your situation. Doing your research will enable you to effectively discuss your situation with your healthcare team. Learn to advocate for yourself by being assertive, staying informed, asking questions, and keeping records. Be certain you get what you need from your healthcare team.

Patient advocacy is more important than ever in order to keep up with the advancements of medical innovations and technologies available to us today. With these advancements come responsibilities. These responsibilities demand a level of conscientiousness, and this needs to be distributed among those who offer and those who receive the benefits.

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I’m the cover story on City Woman Chicago!

by Mindy on October 24, 2007

Check out the full issue table of contents here.

It’s difficult to express how excited I am – Seeing my family on the front cover of the magazine was overwhelming.

While this is a print publication, they also have a .pdf version online so you can read the article even if you aren’t in Chicago. (Fact: Over half of my clients are international, so I’m used to making sure people that aren’t in the same area I am get the info they need!)

Let me know what you think of the article…thanks!

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Building the Foundation for Infertility Treatment

by Mindy on October 22, 2007

Download a registration form or call (312) 582-6035 to register.

Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, is a concierge service for people undergoing fertility treatment. Join the company’s founders, MINDY BERKSON and TONI SIRAGUSA, for this seminar that will discuss a range of issues confronting people with infertility: maximizing insurance benefits, choosing a fertility center, holistic opportunities, and financing treatment. Berskon has worked in the industry for over 10 years in a variety of capacities both at donor agencies and at fertility centers. Siragusa is a financial planner and insurance agent who has worked specifically with couples undergoing infertility to properly plan for and finance treatment. Check out their Web site at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com.

Location: Latin Upper School, 59 W. North Blvd.
Instructor: Mindy Berkson & Toni Siragusa Course Fee: $40
Date: Thu, 25-Oct 1 Class Time: 6:30-8:30 pm

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