Fourteen years ago, I was confronted with my own infertility struggles: after having a successful first pregnancy, my husband and I were not able to get pregnant a second time and I was eventually diagnosed with unknown secondary infertility. Over several years’ time, I went through numerous insemination cycles and several in vitro fertilization cycles before becoming pregnant with twin boys. Treatment was difficult, both physically and emotionally and at times strained what was, until then, a very happy union.

Going through all this instilled in me a desire to help others through their own infertility cycles, and eventually lead me to start my own company, Lotus Blossom Consulting. What I present in this article are the lessons I learned not only from my own treatment, but also the sum of over fourteen years’ experience working in the industry and walking with others through their cycles.

I hope that this toolbox of ideas and pointers helps you as much as it does all my other clients.

ART is a full time job

For many who have not gone through infertility treatment, or who may have just started, they might wonder why there is so much fuss about injections and cycles, and treatment. We quickly realize that it is not just the stress of not being able to have your own child; assisted reproductive technology, in all its glory, is extremely hard to undergo financially, emotionally and physically.

Infertility cycles using ART require a strict and sometimes painful treatment regimen, involving heavy dosages of injectable medications, needles, policies about when to have sex, and frequent trips to the physician. Women may need several days off over the course of treatment for recovery. On top of it all, ART is not cheap, and if you are lucky, insurance might cover some of the cost. Finally, significant gaps of time pass with no results. There is a lot of “wait and see” in an ART cycle.

For many, such a strain on time, body and budget inevitably impacts their professional and personal relationships. Will you be able to get time off without having the entire office know? Do you tell your family? Will they be supportive? How long will it take to get pregnant? Can you afford more than one cycle? These issues along with a host of others create stress even in good situations. Managing all of these physical, emotional and financial arms is what makes an ART cycle another full time job. What this leads to is extreme stress, and it is clear that people make bad decisions under duress. My system encourages you to think about the whole picture and lay a foundation before treatment, so that decisions you make, at the time you make them, are the ones in hindsight you are glad you made.

7 effective strategies to maximize your opportunity

I have seven points that I go through with all of my clients when I first meet with them. This helps us clarify goals, examine differences of opinion and determine answers to “if, then” scenarios. This is the foundation of the family building plan. Talking through these points alleviates some of the stress that can crop up later, and allows you to move forward more quickly and confidently when treatment does not go as planned.

Enlist a team approach including multi disciplinary professionals to address specific needs
“Enlisting a team approach” means relying on the professionals available to you for their area of expertise. What I often see are people who look to their physician or nurses for emotional support and counseling as well as legal and financial advice. As wonderful and caring as these people are, oftentimes they are unable to fulfill this role. Not only is this not their function, but they simply do not have the time to be the emotional ballast for all of their patients. People become unhappy with their doctor when there is no fault to blame. The solution is to rely on them for their subject matter expertise and use your friends, family and a therapist for emotional support. Use your legal counsel for your contracts in a third party cycle, and your accountant or financial planner for help planning costs.

Establish a foundation of financial resources

Speaking of financial planners, the second step I review with clients is making sure that at the outset, they have enough funds set aside not only to pay for one treatment cycle, but to cover all potential costs involved with two cycles. It is a very real possibility, especially depending upon your diagnosis, that the first cycle might not be successful. Balancing hope with caution is an essential element to staying positive and clear when treatment does not go as planned, and having the financial resources available to move immediately to the next step if necessary takes some strain out of the situation.

Define the end family building goal

Understanding how big you want your family to be drives early decisions, particularly financial planning. Additionally, this impacts how you might use your insurance benefits and how you handle third party cycles.

Set financial parameters and timeframes to help guide you through treatment options and establish indicators to know when to change the course of treatment

Establishing financial parameters and timeframes means discussing the common “if, then” scenarios encountered with ART as well as your own personal situation. It involves taking an honest look at your diagnosis and realistic outcomes in terms of your family’s financial plan. Although this is difficult, it is easier to do when you, your partner and physician are not already invested in one, two, or however many cycles down the road; it is easier now than when you are already tapped out financially and have used up all of your insurance benefits. Having the discussion as part of the foundation building component of your treatment allows for an optimal decision. You avoid having the decision tainted by any other undue stress.

Analyze each chance of success in conjunction with the financial outlay. Enlist an independent unbiased perspective to help you since judgment is often clouded by intense emotions.

As I mentioned just a moment ago, part of setting parameters and timeframes is taking an honest look at your diagnosis and the average success rate given your situation. Use an infertility consultant or other professional whose opinion you value to help guide you and your partner through this process.

Communicate often and openly with your partner to identify and address each others’ concerns. Work together to be effective team leaders.

We hear this often enough to know that this is a fundamental truth to any good relationship. Easier said than done, right? If you find it hard to communicate with your partner, enlist a professional to help you with this. Infertility treatment is well known to cause stress and strain even in a good, solid partnership. Break the ice; bring up the issue- do what you need to keep the relationship healthy through the stress.

Make informed medical decisions and be confident in your decisions as you work to achieve results.

In order to be confident with your decisions and secure in your plan, you need to make informed medical decisions. Knowing at the highest point of stress, or when the worst “what if” scenario becomes a reality, that you made your decisions in good stead with open and honest communication with your partner and your team gives a great sense of comfort and eases the pain.

Making an informed decision involves educating yourself about your diagnosis and the available treatment options for your condition. It means realistically analyzing the chance of success for each treatment option in light of your financial situation. Do not be afraid to ask your physicians all the questions you have, and seek a second opinion if you feel you need to. Additionally, do your insurance homework to ensure that you maximize all your lifetime benefits. Call your provider more than once if need be and send a letter to them requesting your benefits in writing.

Also, plan for multiple cycles and if you are using a third party, identify the best possible resources for donors or surrogates. Identifying a candidate that closely meets your criteria affords a confidence level for the cycle, and with resources available nationwide there is no need to settle for a candidate.

ART does not have to be overwhelming. ART can be challenging, sometimes scary, often exciting and always very powerful. Do not be afraid to ask questions and seek help. The rewards you reap as a result of your effort and hard work building the foundation for your cycle will be well worth the time and effort devoted to the journey.

About Mindy Berkson and Lotus Blossom Consulting

As one of the first infertility consultancies in the United States, Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC was founded by Mindy Berkson in 2005. With more than a decade of experience at physician’s offices, and egg donor and surrogacy agencies, Berkson assists individuals working through the often-challenging roadblocks of infertility, by providing the best information and resources available to them from around the world – all in one location.

Lotus Blossom Consulting works with individuals on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration clients’ emotional, physical and financial infertility issues and then develops an individualized, comprehensive plan, to help clients make informed decisions and pull together a team of unbiased professionals to accomplish a treatment cycle. Mindy is a sought-after infertility expert and has appeared on countless media programs and speaker panels educating audiences on the topic of infertility, egg banking and surrogacy. For more information about Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, call toll free (877) 881-2685, email mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or visit the web at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com or www.infertilityconsultant.com.

As children and young adults many of us were raised to grow up and become not just well established adults, but moms and dads. It is often a natural progression to graduate school, focus on career, marry and raise a family. Kids are the ultimate goal and accomplishment.

Today however, given the rise in infertility one in five couples today, or 7.3 million Americans struggle with infertility — the biological inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to full term. Many factors can contribute to this staggering and continually growing statistic. Most common are delayed child bearing, advanced maternal age, medical conditions, sexually transmitted diseases, obesity and environmental factors. As women continue to work and delay having children, their needs with regard to infertility treatment has also continued to grow.

The infertility diagnosis can be devastating and demoralizing. Unable to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term, women often feel inadequate, alone and depressed. Infertility treatment is costly and invasive. Success rates are not guaranteed and insurance benefits are often limited. The emotional, physical and financial stressors associated with the infertility process are often challenging and overwhelming.

Age matters in many aspects of life and definitely in the creation of life. Women are most fertile between the ages of 20 to 28 with their fertility decreasing in half by the time they reach 35 years of age. By age 45, only a 1% chance remains each month of conceiving naturally. This is a startling fact considering the average age a woman has her first child has risen to a record high of 25.1 years with 20% of women waiting until they are 35 years old to begin their family.

An increasing number of women choose to delay childbearing due to further schooling, career choice, or are waiting to find their perfect partner. Many individuals are choosing to be single parents. While those choices are understandable and personal, as women naturally age so do their ovaries; affecting their fertility. Oocyte cryopreservation, commonly known as egg banking, generally provides women up to the age of 38 a chance to stop their biological clock and effectively plan and preserve their fertility for the future.

Other treatment options to help overcome infertility include egg donation and surrogacy. Egg donation involves retrieving eggs from a donor between the ages of 21 and 32. Since success rates are linked to the age of the egg, using an egg donor can greatly impact the success rates for pregnancy after in-vitro fertilization treatments. It is most common to use an egg donor in an anonymous arrangement. Legal contracts are necessary to outline the roles of all parties and to have the egg donor relinquish all rights to offspring produced from the treatment cycle.

Surrogacy is another widely available option to help overcome infertility. Over the past decade surrogacy has become more acceptable as the laws in certain states have enabled couples and individuals to establish parentage at birth or shortly thereafter. The most prevalent form of surrogacy today is gestational surrogacy where the surrogate candidate is not biologically related to the offspring.

The pathway to parenthood is not always linear. But understanding the treatment options available will help you to determine your emotional tolerances and physical endurance for exploring treatment and reaching the American dream of becoming a mom and dad.

About Mindy Berkson and Lotus Blossom Consulting

As one of the first infertility consultancies in the United States, Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC was founded by Mindy Berkson in 2005. With more than a decade of experience at physician’s offices, and egg donor and surrogacy agencies, Berkson assists individuals working through the often-challenging roadblocks of infertility, by providing the best information and resources available to them from around the world – all in one location.

Lotus Blossom Consulting works with individuals on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration clients’ emotional, physical and financial infertility issues and then develops an individualized, comprehensive plan, to help clients make informed decisions. Mindy is a sought-after infertility expert and has appeared on countless media programs and speaker panels educating audiences on the topic of infertility, egg banking and surrogacy. For more information about Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, call toll free (877) 881-2685, email mindy@lotusblossomconsulting.com or visit the web at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com or www.infertilityconsultant.com.

We understand that sometimes the pathway to parenthood is not linear. As frustrating as this is, reality requires us to make difficult choices and explore paths that we never imagined. Coming to terms with using a third party candidate can be a complicated and overwhelming process. In my experience, when clients can reach a comfort zone in selecting a candidate who meets close to their ideal criteria, the process becomes much more palatable.
So where does one begin the search? Some clinics provide in house egg donor recruiting programs. These programs tend to be small and often consist of only local donors. Due to their size, supply does not often meet demand and wait lists to select a candidate tend to be long. The agency route is another avenue. Agencies often have larger pools of available candidates, but weeding through profiles to identify ideal candidates can be time consuming and overwhelming.
Explore your resources. As an Infertility Consultant my focus is to advocate for the intended parents. Through carefully established strategic alliances with agencies nationwide, the consultants at Lotus Blossom Consulting have access to vast pools of qualified and available surrogate and egg donor candidates. Our match time is typically less than two weeks. We deliver to your email box targeted profiles to specifically meet your ideal criteria. There is no limit to the number of profiles you will have to choose from. The goal is to identify a candidate that appropriately suits your needs. But in addition, Lotus Blossom Consulting closely screens the agencies. We drive business only to agencies that are willing to include special clauses in their contracts for our client, which ensures that your financial risk factors will be mitigated in the event that a candidate does not pass your physician’s medical screening. This is one of our commitments to you in working as your advocate.
With our help, the complicated process becomes less overwhelming. Our very personalized touch and direct guidance in what to seek in an ideal candidate enables clients to focus their energies and emotions on other aspects of the cycle. Having the confidence to move through third party reproduction comes with knowing that you selected the right candidate, within a timeframe that is consistent with your course of treatment, and a budget that suits your financial reserves.
The journey through infertility need not be a fearful or overwhelming adventure. Identifying support, resources and guidance can save valuable time, preserve emotional well being and help to optimize the resources for your treatment cycle while minimizing the overall financial expenditure for the end family building goal. Being proactive in building the foundation for multiple cycles is simply acting prudent.

Download a registration form or call (312) 582-6035 to register.

Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC, is a concierge service for people undergoing fertility treatment. Join the company’s founders, MINDY BERKSON and TONI SIRAGUSA, for this seminar that will discuss a range of issues confronting people with infertility: maximizing insurance benefits, choosing a fertility center, holistic opportunities, and financing treatment. Berskon has worked in the industry for over 10 years in a variety of capacities both at donor agencies and at fertility centers. Siragusa is a financial planner and insurance agent who has worked specifically with couples undergoing infertility to properly plan for and finance treatment. Check out their Web site at www.lotusblossomconsulting.com.

Location: Latin Upper School, 59 W. North Blvd.
Instructor: Mindy Berkson & Toni Siragusa Course Fee: $40
Date: Thu, 25-Oct 1 Class Time: 6:30-8:30 pm

Lotus Blossom Consulting has established the Jude Andrew Adams Charitable Fund to bring hope and new life to those in need. Through this grant, we are offering a free fertility treatment cycle for financially needy individuals.